i have such an excess of feelings.
i'm drowning in myself
too much me for one day
hide again inside your journal.

it'll all be over soon.

I'll make the list of those who will miss me.
it's so short. the sooner for your sweet embrace, dear emptiness.

wow.

 valentines day is really terrible. It's just a day to remind us all how lonely we are. As if everyday life wasn't enough. I know just about everyone says this, and it's almost clichee, but i'll write whatever i want. it's like in the wedding singer, when he says " i can't say whatever i want, because i have a mike and you don't so fuck you or whatever.." so, fuck you, or whatever.

I'm a very lost and confused person. um.... what the hell.

Do you know the song Beautiful, by christina Aguilara? it sounds terrible to say this, but it really moves me. i feel if while i'm singing it at the top of my voice. it's great. I feel it. it makes me feel like a human being again. life is just generally dirty and meddlesome.

one of the last things i rememebr saying to jt was how much i hated politics and how i thought it was sad they ruled his life. it worries me when i think i'm letting it happen. I shouldn't. Jt is so gross.

Kory said he thought people were born gay, because he heard a guy saying " why would i chose this life, you know?" can we give this eprops? wow.

this song iris is beautiful.

wow. I've lost all confidence in the fact that anyone rreads this. Which is fortunate, because I really miss a good intimate journal setting. Go away if you would like to.

 I can honestly say i felt like i was on freaking e tonight. I haven't been that turned on in a long time.why's tribe gotta be so shy? But i don't know if i want anything nw, you know? it's not the same. i can't tell if i just like him out of habit, or if i really do , you know? I feel like i'm always about to kiss him when i'm around him. people walking in my house kept keeing him holding back i could tell.
This is the kind of weird shit that maked people think your'e creepy. all this stuff that we all feel, but just don't talk about it. I remember thia cartoon on a long time ago about a dead rabit, in a box under a kids bed. but he wasn't all the way dead, he was just really hurt. The cartoon talked about how it would scratch around with it's good leg in the box under the kids bed, and how the noise really hauned him.

I'm often afraid. I'm afraid of many things on many different leels. one thing i do a lot is obviously flinch. is that bad. I'm afraid of the dark, and afraid of open windows a lot. I hate open windows. I'm really afraid of ghosts, oddly enough. And I really afraid of needles.

 I think i notice peoples habits and mannarisms especaillly more then most people. You can see patterns and learn thinkgs about people. This is my only sense of spiritualy, this almost transcendatalist feeling of learning truths about the human exsistance by watching them. Andrew ruesch does this laugh that tickles my very bone marrow. it trips me out.